


Not Surviving, Living.

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (nearly), Family Dynamics, Gen, Getting Help, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, characters not irl people, i deleted all my tags 3 times please save me, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Phil comes forward. 'We’re going to talk eventually. But not right now.'Phil and Techno lead Wilbur up to his room and sit with him all night. When Wilbur wakes up, Tommy is curled up next to him."
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 393
Collections: Anonymous





	Not Surviving, Living.

**Author's Note:**

> Wilbur is an unreliable narrator. He is depressed and suicidal in this, he’s not friendly to himself, but that’s not how I view him as a character (this is a fanfiction about *characters* not real people). I’ve been really struggling with suicidal ideation the last week and found that others vent fics about these topics helps me a lot, so I wrote my own to help myself and others. Also sorry if the tenses change or are weird for fanfiction, I struggle a lot with non-academic writing.

Wilbur doesn’t consider himself selfish. Yes, he wants to kill himself and in turn, leave his family behind, but he has plans to do it properly. In what he intends to be his final days, he spends his time baking the scones he knows Phil loves, and he makes sure he buys and wraps plenty of things Tommy and Techno will receive at Christmas. If he receives weird looks from the people at the market when he asks for Christmas paper, he ignores it. “You’ve been baking a lot recently, Wil,” Phil says as he walks into the kitchen.  
Wilbur smiles at him “I know you love my scones. I thought I’d make some.” His dad reaches for one but Wilbur frantically hits his hand away. “These aren’t for now.” Phil gives him an odd look but backs off and leaves him to his baking.  
Later on, Tommy swings into the kitchen. He sits at the kitchen table for a little bit, texting his friend Tubbo and chatting with Wilbur. When Wilbur is done baking, he and Tommy watch a movie together. They laugh, and Wilbur checks one item off of his list. It’s Tuesday, and his plans are set in motion for Tomorrow.

Techno bursts into Wilburs room Wednesday morning.  
“You’ll never guess what I found.” He says excitedly.  
Wilbur looks up from his laptop, “What?” He’s rarely seen Techno this excited.  
“I found a geography museum, it’s about an hour away but I thought we could go tonight.”  
Wilbur considers it, and he nearly says no (he has plans tonight). But it’s geography and that’s his Favourite Thing, so how is he supposed to say no? He can kill himself tomorrow night. Give his brother one last good memory with him.  
“You know, most 16-year-olds aren’t this into geography,” Techno says to him in the car.  
Wil doesn’t know how to respond. “I dunno. I’m not like most 16-year-olds I guess. Most 18-year-olds nearly 19-year-olds don’t spend 12 hours playing Minecraft.”  
“Alright, for one that’s not true and you know it. Second of all, that’s a low blow. You know why I do that.” And Technos right and Wilbur knows it. He knows his brother has ADHD and he knows why he can focus on things for such a long period of time. He knows it’s not a bad thing, and that he probably shouldn’t be judging considering he could even be autistic himself. But it came out anyway because Wilbur is a mean and terrible person. As much as he loves his family, all he does is hurt them. After a moment, he speaks. “You’re right. I’m… sorry. But don’t make fun of my geography either. I can’t help it.”  
Techno puts a hand on his shoulder. “Okay, Wilbur. I understand.”  
Wilbur spends the rest of the silence hating himself for what he said.

They spend hours at the Geography museum. Wilbur mesmerized, and Techno just happy to see his younger brother so lit up. At 8:30, a security guard lets them know the museum will shut in 30 mins, and Techno receives a text from Phil.  
From Dad: you two should return home soon  
To Dad: [image attached] he’s having a good time though. It closes at 9, we will leave then  
From Dad: alright, fine. Tommy is at Tubbos house tonight but I might be asleep, so be quiet when you come in.  
From Dad: although I probably won’t sleep until you’re home safe  
To Dad: going to bed at 10? What are you, a full-time single father who cares about his children’s safety?  
From Dad: Shockingly, yes.  
From Dad: Drive safe <3

That night, Wilbur falls asleep quickly. He’s glad he had a good last day.

He skips school on Thursday. After he gets dropped off at school, he waits until Phil gets out of sight, and leaves to go into town. He spends half his bank account on vinyl and books. The albums and books he wanted to recommend to Tommy when he was older, but he won’t get the chance now. He buys him a new keyboard. He knows his brother doesn’t need a new one by any means and their dad could definitely buy him one with his own money, but he wants him to remember him in his music. He goes home and sits at the kitchen table. He writes letters. To his dad, to Techno, to Tommy, and one for his friends. He apologies, he tells them he loves them and that they couldn’t have done anything. He puts a USB on the kitchen table, one he filled with videos for when they miss him. He doesn’t want to leave his family completely.  
He still locks the door on the way out of the house.

This cliff is secluded. There’s no one around to see him or stop him, and Wilbur knows he won’t last very long anyway once he’s in the water. If he even survives once he hits the water. For a while, he just sits there and admires the sunset. Just because he’s about to die, doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the small things. 

It’s 4:58 pm. His time of death will be at 5:00 pm.  
At 4:59 pm, Tommy calls him. Wilbur doesn’t mean to answer, but he’s shaking from the cold wind and accidentally hits the green button instead of the red.

“WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR” He hears coming out of his phone. He sighs and picks it up “Yes, Tommy? Is there a reason you’re screaming into my ear right now?”  
His 14-year-old brother continues yelling “WILBUR! I GOT AN A ON MY MATHS!”  
Wilbur stops. He and Tommy have spent so many hours at the kitchen table studying this for together. He’s had to deal with his brother’s tears and the pain he felt when he told him he got something wrong on the practices. He knows how important this is to him.  
“CONGRATS TOMS!” Wilbur yells back at him. Tommy deserves to celebrate this, Wilbur thinks. When Tommy hangs up, he sees the time. 5:01 pm. He shouldn’t be alive right now, but he is.  
“FUCK” Wilbur screams. “FUCK” He screams into the waves, where no one but the empty ocean will hear it. In a moment of heat, he throws his phone off the cliff. 

Then he walks home.

When he gets home, he intends to run upstairs and congratulate Tommy on his maths exam. However, once he closes the front door behind him and turns around, he sees his family sitting at the kitchen table. Tommy is crying, Techno looks like he’s going to break something, and Phil- well Phil is just trying not to cry himself while comforting his youngest child and trying to stop his eldest from smashing the china. Wilbur doesn’t understand what’s happening until he realizes what he just came home from. He left his notes on the kitchen table when he left.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he stands at the front door. After a moment, Tommy spots him. He bolts towards him and hugs him. His hands claw against his back and he’s crying. “Why would you leave us” He cries into Wilbur’s shirt. “Why would you leave me.” And that’s the part that gets Wilbur. He hugs Tommy back, pulls him into a crushing hug.

Phil comes forward. “We’re going to talk eventually. But not right now.”

Phil and Techno lead Wilbur up to his room and sit with him all night. When Wilbur wakes up, Tommy is curled up next to him.

Phil helps find him a therapist and someone who can help him with medication. He throws himself into his music, and they make Thursday’s family game night. Things get better. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever forgive himself for what he did to his family, but the past happened and no one can change it now. When he stumbles backwards in his recovery, his family and friends are there to help him take baby steps.

In the end, he doesn’t just survive. He gets to live, too.

**Author's Note:**

> i've accidentally deleted my end note 3 times now so let me make this short: the wilbur autistic comment is based off something he said. i don't have a link. you could probably look on twitter. 
> 
> sorry if the tenses or formatting in this was weird, it was more of a late night vent fic and less of a proper fic. hope you enjoyed and i could help you in any way. I know others vent fics really help me, especially those with caring endings.


End file.
